I feel cursed. There I said it.
I’m sorry it’s the best language I’ve been given right now to explain what is happening to me. So let me try to get the point across. What is a curse? A curse is when no matter what you want to do or see, there is only one thing you can do or see. Usually it’s a bad thing.
Take King Midas for a second… he was cursed, because everything he touched turned to gold. So that was a bad curse… but this is different. At some point King Midas stopped wanting that “gift” because it really meant he would never touch or be touched again…
And here is the other thing about a curse… once you are cursed, it always becomes your demise. You usually want it, but once you have it, it destroys you. Again the story of King Midas… depending on which version you heard, King midas ends up drowning under the weight of all the gold, and none can pull him out.
So again, the only way I can describe what has happened, and is happening to me is often through the words of these amazing poets. Check out this song, it explains what’s happened to me better than anything I could say, and that is what poetry is supposed to do:
This song is amazing, I would even say magical. Look at all of the amazing interpretations here. This song is speaking to people, and that is magical. This song has (finally) spoken to me, and I believe there is a “deeper magic” if you will in this song. And we notice that when we see WHO is in this story. I am going to put us in the first person here, as the one singing the song. That will help me explain what I think this means. So I am in this song (and where else would anyone want to be but in a song… but that is another post.) There is at least 2 other people in this song with me… look at the second stanza:
Were we too young, our heads too strong
So there is 2 people in this line…. perhaps 2 lovers, a husband and wife, two dear friends? I am here, and someone is here with me, and we make an “us”. But there is someone else here:
to bear the weight of this lovers’ eyes
So both of these people have to bear the weight of another person… and it is this other person who has the “lover’s eyes”. This other person is the “lover” if you will. Then we find out who the other person is in the “us”:
‘Cause I feel numb beneath your tongue,
So it’s “me” and “you” and I feel numb beneath your tongue… so something has caused that feeling. What is it?
beneath the curse of these lovers’ eyes
So the lover, whoever that is, has made us feel cursed, so that our love seems dim beneath this deeper love that we are “stuck” with or “cursed” with. Now let’s go to the first half of the chorus:
But do not ask the price I paid
I must live with my quiet rage
Tame the ghosts in my head
that run wild and wish me dead
So there is someone else… there is the Ghosts… and they are not the lover, because, the lover is singular… and I don’t want the ghosts, I want them tamed… but what DO I want?
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Well, let me die where I lie
beneath the curse of my lovers’ eyes
I don’t want the Ghosts who want me dead, but I do WANT the curse of the lovers eyes… I say, this is where I want to be… so if this is the only thing I ever get, is to be loved like this, so loved it is like a curse… then let me die right now… beneath these eyes. If you have never been loved like that, loved so hard you can’t escape it… then you need to.
That will change you. That will define you. To be loved DESPITE who you are, not because of who you are…. that is true love. Once you find love like that. You will never want anything else.
I have been loved like that… and it is awe-inspiring. Once you experience that love… you will divorce the numbing touch of your marriage to sin, and turn to this deeper love that CAN satisfy you and WANTS to satisfy you and WILL satisfy you.
This is what true love is, unconditional love. We on the other side of sin know what it is, it is called agape love. Love that can love first.
Once you find that you will be unshakeable… nothing can steal your happiness now because you are cursed with it. Nothing defines what joy is better than the phrase “I am loved”. Come get this curse and then like me and Mumford, you will say:
I walk slowly, I walk slowly, take my hand, help me understand.
If you want to find a love like that… come find me, and I will show you my lover’s eyes. I can promise you this. You won’t be disappointed.